Couples therapy is about helping each partner understand and hold compassion for the experience of the other, while remaining true to one’s own needs and experience. Without the ability to understand and describe how things are for my partner, it is difficult to have open communication and a joyful partnership.

I do not work from the perspective that the relationship dysfunction is one partner’s “fault,” although I support clients in taking responsibility for their part. I work to help each partner imagine the experience of the other and to empathize with the feelings of their partner. To do this, we must understand the unique needs and triggers leading to dysregulation—which is what happens in our bodies when things get escalated. Because we each have unique triggers based on our history and attachment wounds, being in a relationship means we must hold our partner’s needs with reverence, even if we don’t agree with their methods. Each partner’s experience is “right” based on their feelings and history—it’s the behavior and communication pattern that need shifting in order for us to feel safe and trusting. Only then will a space emerge in which presence and intimacy can arise.

With EFT Couples Therapy, I utilize therapeutic techniques that slow the process down so we can distill the most important needs and feelings and have the felt sense of understanding and being understood by the other. I also utilize somatic exploration to understand how emotions and trauma are felt in the body. Through a successful EFT Therapy, we feel clearer about how to meet our own needs while also meeting the needs of our partner in a dynamic and changing relationship.