Couples work is about moving into a space where we genuinely understand and respect our partner’s perspective with kindness, while we in turn feel understood and compassionately empathized with. Without the ability to understand and describe how things are for my partner, it is difficult to have open, fluid communication and a joyful and compassionate partnership.
I bring a spectrum of tools to my work with couples, including my background in psychoanalytic psychotherapy, my training in Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples, and my ongoing interest and commitment to attachment research.
Understanding each partner’s attachment style within its historical context is usually a necessary component of the work. In the (virtual) room with you, I will invite conversation about key events and feelings you experienced growing up. In particular, we will navigate and unpack together what happened with the important figures in your life: who was with you and how your caregivers responded to you. By understanding these experiences, we can learn more about how you were shaped, and how you approach relationships today—including your particular style of relating to others.
Ultimately, the goal is to help each partner understand and reflect on the experience of the other, while remaining true to one’s own needs and experience. Anger, sadness, and vulnerability are often points of struggle that we sometimes judge as weakness in ourselves or our partner. Yet these integral feelings arise in every relationship, and point to specific needs that can be addressed.
It is expected that tension and problems will arise in every relationship. Couples counseling is not only about healing, but also about nourishing a dynamic relationship in a constant state of flux. My goal is to challenge each partner to understand the perspective, experience, hopes, dreams, and wishes of the other, so that a space is created in which true presence and intimacy can arise.